Posts Tagged rant

How did it happen? If you follow any of the numerous trashy gossip websites (e.g. www.news.com.au), you will probably have noticed that Kevin Federline, or K-Fed as he’s known on the streets, has put on a few kilos. Now I’m not normally one to recklessly judge others (haha, I can’t even type that with a straight face) but in the case of K-Fed, I’m prepared to let loose.

Looking mantastic in February 2006

Why you ask? Firstly, let’s take a brief look at his bio.

Kevin Earl Federline was born March 21, 1978. His parents divorced when he was 8 and he dropped out of high school in the ninth grade. He then joined a non-profit dance organisation called “Dance Empowerment”.

So far so good, right? It has already become blindingly obvious that he’s destined for the big time.

A few years later he meets actress Shar Jackson (of Moesha “fame”) and knocks her up twice. Before the 2^nd child was even born, K-Fed had gotten engaged to pop singer Britney Spears.

That sneaky f*ck! I mean Britney has had her ups and down, but c’mon! At her best, every pimple faced teenager was engaging in battle with his purple-headed yogurt slinger whilst perusing pictures of her on the internet.

Britney opened all the doors for this well-educated and entrepreneurial young man.

On October 31, 2006 he released his critically acclaimed debut rap album titled Playing With Fire *cough*. The following is an excerpt of the tight lyrics from the single Lose Yourself:

Call me old fashioned, but it seems a tad contradictory. In my day that would be considered text-book bragging.

While with Britney, Kevin also:

• was signed to a modeling company
• appeared on reality television show Britney & Kevin: Chaotic
• got a regular spot on television series One Tree Hill
• appeared in a few WWE programs

Hitting rock bottom in September 2009 *shudders*

By mid 2007 the couple had finalised their divorce and in mid 2008 K-Fed was granted sole custody of the children. At this point Spears was ordered to pay him $20,000 per month in child support, as well as additional funds to cover legal expenses.

What the f*ck! $20,000 a month? Surely some of that money could help cover a personal trainer. Or liposuction.

One thing that the show Entourage has taught me is that fame and fortune is to be enjoyed, but it seems that K-Fed is taking it a little too literally. Personal appearance should come into it *somewhere*.

On the plus side for K-Fed, he still seems to be pulling hot chicks and is a good parent to his 4 children (that we know of).

Perhaps I’m just jealous? Now I’m off to buy some cheeseburgers.

Note: Apologies in advance if this is a rare case of a late-set glandular disorder…